Understanding Motivation: How Fear and Desire Drive Us
"So what do you really, really, really want?" I asked my client the million-dollar question. Slumped forward in his chair, he gave me a blank stare. "I think my want-er got broken a long time ago." Successful, but miserable, my client had lost his motivation in life and wasn't sure how to get it back. He was making a career change at 50 years of age, but had hit a wall. After three failed attempts to pass his state's Bar Exam, a life-long, paralyzing fear of exams had left him holding the bag.
Only two sources motivate us: Fear or Desire. Fear is a powerful motivator and necessary when we are confronted with danger. Fear protects us. Fear assesses risk and potential loss. Fear motivates us to protect our reputations, relationships, assets, and even our very lives. Yet, fear as a consistent motivator depletes energy.
In contrast, desire motivates us to seek what we want, what we like. If allowed, God can refine our desire over time as we seek, discover and surrender to His will for our lives. Though it can be counterintuitive, surrendering to God's will unleashes our unique giftedness and the opportunity for fulfillment. Now we are motivated. Now we can envision ourselves achieving, growing, expanding, overcoming. As stated in Scripture, "There is no room in love for fear. Wellformed love banishes fear . . . fear is crippling" (I John 4:18a MSG).
I invited my client to tell me why he had gone through the rigors of Law School at age 50. As he spoke, I got goose bumps. He had a deep desire to help people, to be an advocate for their suffering. The more he revealed his true desire, the more animated and committed he became. We spent hours developing with detail what his practice of law - helping people - would look like. Once crippled by fear, this man unleashed his passion through a vision of what he really wanted to do. He passed the exam and fulfilled his desire.
The Psalmist said, "Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:4 NIV). We know when we are motivated and when we are not, but we are not always sure how to rekindle the spark. So what do you really, really, really want? Try writing your answer to that question. Write page after page over several days or weeks. You may bounce all over the place and it may take perseverance to get to past some false ideas. Enjoy your discoveries and let desire carry the day.
Grady Yarbrough, Jr., LPC
